Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Math

When I came home from work, sick and tired, I wanted chocolate.

To be good, I had an ok dinner.

I really wanted chocolate.

For a treat, I had a coupla corn chips with cheese (damn I love cheese).

But, it wasn't chocolate.

A handful of pumpkin seeds (good job!) and raisins (so healthy).

And yet... I'm about to have chocolate anyway, cause I think I might crawl out of my skin if I don't.

How many goods does it take til you're bad?

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Monday, March 29, 2010

And then there were none

Time for plan B, I guess.


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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Some things I learned on Wednesday

In no particular order:
  1. Boxed mac n cheese is just as tasty made with coconut milk. But use real butter.
  2. Women who grill rock. Details to follow.
  3. It must really suck being a bright-eyed newly graduated kid entering this work force.
  4. Attitude is everything.
  5. The right company is second only to attitude.
  6. Reading a lot is second only to regular exercise for "getting my head" straighter.
  7. I really like writing.

 


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Monday, March 22, 2010

The weekends make the week bearable

Still no word from the last three schools, or from the two competitions I have entered recently.

I am starting to look a little bit forward to being stuck here for the next year. Once it's a sure thing, I will be able to look for a small apartment. My sentimental attachment to all of my stuff is maybe worth examining, but until then... I miss all of my books. I miss my wheel. I miss my stash and my coffee cups. I miss my big dusty floor pillow. I miss my knitting chair and my blue lamp. I miss having a few plants around and I miss being able to make whatever I want for dinner and not having to worry about cleaning it up before I've even eaten it or where to stash the leftovers so they aren't in anyone's way. I miss being able to walk around the house naked when I am getting ready in the morning. I miss being able to listen to my music anywhere other than in the car or on headphones. I miss living TV-free.

Plus, I am writing. Writing and submissions are still happening. My good friend, JFC, is excellent at encouraging, editing, and motivating my writerly endeavors. Despite all of the endless no's and no thank you's, he keeps being my cheerleader. Some days, it's the difference between gittin er done and not. We spent some time Sunday night working on stuff we each have in the hopper. This was after some rock and roll the night before, a wildflower hike, and a weird dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (has anyone ever had any other kind of dinner there?)... It would have been easy to be lazy, but we got each other up off the proverbial couch and over to the metaphorical typewriters. It was a good day, and maybe not the worst way to spend the next few months.

lupine

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

And then three

Today will not include a bunch of crying. University of Arizona said no. I have already done all the bawling I can stand over it.

Since the odds have become highly likely that I am not going to any school next fall for my masters, I have started making plans to get my own place here. I really need a Room of my Own.

I'm still writing, and have posted the latest "losing" piece on the Transatlantic Enchilada. It didnt lose, so much as not win. It came in third, which I will take as a success.

JFC and I spent last weekend on an "urban writers retreat." we stayed in a nice hotel (with a pool for breaks). We both tackled (and completed) submissions. It was a fantastic way to focus our intentions. And a much needed getaway.



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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Finding calming ground

I have absolutely got to figure out ways to feel better about my current situation. No space of my own, a ridiculous commute, lots of work for little money, mounting debt, and rejections. It's making me nuts, and it doesn't have to, I'm convinced!

I am trying to think positive and or recognizing this is part of a larger process just isn't enough. Does anyone out there have any ideas for concrete ways to live more in the moment despite less than optimal circumstances?



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Saturday, March 06, 2010

Miss Otis (along with the University of Alabama) regrets...

It is getting harder and harder, as this year of rejections continues, to have any idea at all about what I'm supposed to really be doing with my life. I mean, I thought the lay off was a pretty clear sign, but maybe I misread it...


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Friday, March 05, 2010

Waiting all year for next year

There's a lot of chatter over on this MFA application notification post about the merits and demerits of the programs in general. The majority of the 600+ comments are acceptance and rejection reports (so that the rest of us know better when to start worrying over the radio silence) but lately, perhaps as a way of passing what seems like the ENDLESS wait, a few commenters have mentioned why one might not want to spend 2-3 years in a fine arts writing program. Clearly these purport to soothe those of us with only Xes so far. Not that they do; the sour grapes or, even worse, patronizing cynicism from those already accepted, are transparent. There is a nervous-chatter quality to these pretty little speeches. Even still, the oh-so-susceptible/suggestible me has begun to think and rethink.

Some things I've been thinking
  1. Am I just trying to "escape" real life?

  2. If they all say no, will I have the heart to try again next year? Or will I get too superstitious and or bitter?

  3. Was this a dumb/short sighted/irresponsible/fantastic idea?

  4. If they all say no, what happens next year?

  5. If they don't all say no, what happens next year?

  6. It has been so long since I have just lived IN this year, instead of in the next one. It is exhausting.


Things that make me feel settled into the present: growing herbs, baking bread, sewing, walking to work. Hopefully soon, one way or the other.


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Wednesday, March 03, 2010

And then there were five

I will not be attending the (barely ranked at all, which is exceptionally worrisome/terrifying) University of New Mexico.

Also I think I have a cavity.

There is currently running a GE commercial with Japanese macaques sitting in snow-ringed hotsprings. Would that I were a monkey.


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